toof.nounandverb.com

masonic and the toof

well, i realize it’s been a week since the show

i’ve been ridiculous busy, but still things, events and situations continue to happen.

the show at austin’s #1 goth club was awesome.

automusik was awesome, and i am interested in playing with them again.

it was also good to play again, i think i will be playing a show very soon with Attic Ted, if they still like me.

they’ve been graciously inviting me to play but i’ve been politely declining for a few months now.

if things go right, then i will play a show at Chaindrive, which is austin’s 9th best gay leather bear bar.

right behind room 710, which comes in at #8.

also, i went to John Mason of Masonic’s house last nite.

yes, i’m still in a band.

he’s been a mad scientist in his home studio and he played me the tracks for the upcoming masonic ep.

and i was kinda shocked at how impressed i was.

i mean, i fell in love with masonic last year when john gave me a couple of songs to figure out a bass line for.

but these songs are fucking brilliant!

i’ve already laid the bass tracks on half of them, but then he went a ‘wrote’ a couple more on the fly in protools and i was just blown away!

enough of that.

masonic will also be be playing some sort of choreographed, dance-troupe, full-on-production with yellowtape.org.

i can’t really describe it very well right now because i’m not sure exactly what it is, only that it is some cool kind of mixed-art-media production.

i’ll give more info once we start rehearsing with the kids from yellowtape sometime in september.

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guess who’s playing a show all by himself?

hi folks!

remember me?

i do.

anyhoo, on a whimsical thursday evening last week, i was asked to play on a bill with a couple of bands i really like.

this time i said ‘yes’, mainly because it’s been almost a year since i played that damonfest thing and i’m really craving some attention.

so i will be playing with the vaguely nazi-esque mad scientists known as Automusik and the even less vague nazi esque Mistress Stephanie and her Melodic Cat.

it actually is a perfect show for me.

and i’m too young to retire.

it’ll be at the elysium, austin’s favorite goth club (705 Red River, next to beerland)
thursday, June 26
i’ll play at 10pm
i’ll be shaving my head and getting a swastika tattoo at 1130pm

just kidding
i’ll be getting a hitler moustache tattoo instead.

t

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masonic review in the austinist…

here’s a review from the austinist…

i’m more impressed that there is a band named ‘natalie portman’s shaved head’

>> link here <<

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deedle deet - snore alert.

oh wow!
this will be a boring blog.

no news, really.

the 101X homegroan show went really well last week, there was a pretty good crowd there.

masonic is still recording songs for a new e.p., that’s been going well.

i just finished watching season 1 of dexter.

i’m kinda blah and tired today, so there.

i’m not even feeling like hitting [SHIFT] + 1 to type an exclamation point.

that’s how blase i am.

i’ll have something interesting up soon.

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masonic’s lottery commercial thingie!

so, a while back, i may have mentioned that a masonic song would be featured in a commercial for the colorado state lottery.

i could easily just sift through the most recent posts on my web log (”Blog”) to confirm the uncertain statement above.

but i’m really lazy today.

>> here’s the link <<

neat!

oh, and blind people you need to start rewindin your tapes!

t

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Mary Higgins Clark, i must destroy you…

you know what you did MHC

you and Zane Grey must be destroyed.

i’m calling a jihad on both of you.

so eat it.

well, what else have we (i) learned about blind people this week?

not only do they not be rewindin’ their cassette tapes, but they be readin’ some shitty, shitty, shitty books.

and by ‘readin’, i mean ‘listenin to’

and by ‘books’ i mean those written by Zane Grey and Mary Higgins Clark.

look, i’m not much of a reader.
nor am i much of a listener.
why?
because i get bored readin and listenin unless it’s interestin.

and MHC and ZG do not interest me in the slightest.

SRSLY

here’s another useful piece of trivia:

there is actually a cassette tape produced each month for the following magazine:
Texas Parks and Wildlife

oh sure, i could go into detail about how there is no possible way that the articles could be absorbed without seeing any of the pictures.

and of course, i could even point out that not much shit happens in the worlds of parks and/or wildlife in texas to warrant the release of a periodical journal.

but instead, i’d rather point out that this shit is on CASSETTE TAPE and not on any other medium that has become standardized in the last 18 years.

so, if you’re reading this blog and you’re a blindie, it’s time to join the revolution!!!!!!!!

put down that shitty sony walkman with those raggedy, tinnitus-causing earphones that you paid $200 for in 1986!

go walk/tap your ass down to target and get you one of those crappy $19 Coby CD players with the same shitty tinnitus-causing earphones!

then start asking for your crappy Western and Suspense novels on compact disc.

but do so after i finish my community service so i don’t have to schlep couches and end tables at the salvation army.

that shitty furniture is just full of brown recluses and scorpions!

i ain’t going out like that!

also, masonic is currently working on a li’l EP for your listening pleasure and we’re playing next wednesday nite for the 101x homegrown thingie at the whisky thingie.

t

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i can do without the incessant chattering

of the voices in my head

jeez

“burn this,” “write this meteorologist a suggestive letter,” “expose yourself to this octogenarian,” “take a dump on this person’s yard,” “put this boy in the trunk of your car,” etc.

it’s always something i gotta do to make them happy and, frankly, i’m getting tired of it.

well, now i’m taking some trey time.

i’m doing something for me to get my own groove back (a la Stella).

i’m gonna take a dump on someone’s personal property FOR ME.

it’s MY turn to defecate on things that don’t belong to me.

also, Masonic is gonna play the 101x homegroan live (typo, i’m aware) on May 28th.

it’s the alternative radio station here in town.

they’re edgy, and have greatly reduced the amount of staind and godsmack in the rotation.

(now, to finish this blog, all i have to do is somehow connect the act of exposing myself to senior citizens with staind and godsmack…)

the end.

t

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flyer for tonite’s show…

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oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!

tomorrow nite is a really big show at the mohawk!

read about it here.

kick ass!!1!

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you gotta be in it to win it.

well, i usually like don’t announcing news unless it’s verified and finalized, but i’ll make an exception in this case.

and if it doesn’t pan out, i’ll casually never mention it and pretend that it really happened … and bluff people into thinking the same.

anyhoo, masonic’s ‘Friday Night Song’ will be the soundtrack to the upcoming Colorado State Lottery commericals.

or just a single commercial, i’m not sure of the details just yet.

and to be sure, masonic’s Friday Night Song has nothing to do with NBC’s Friday Nite Lites.

which, as you all may know, is on my current list of enemies along with blind people (not the kids!) and firemen.

but i’m currently not starting any wars with Elves…

at least, not with the elves of the cookie-making variety.

so you should come see me and the boys and girl in Masonic as we open for Elf Power!!!!

at the mohawk, april 25 … dawg

‘dawg’ is a reference to Randy Jackson, of TV’s American Idol.

it can also be spelled ‘dawgg’

no one will mark points off for mechanics errors in your Masters Thesis or your dissertation if you use more than one ‘G’.

i know, because i wrote the little, brown handbook and served as a consultant for the chicago and MLA styles.

i also just bought a rainbow afro wig for my unicorn so we can play basketball together.

luv,
t

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today is naked blog day

it’s where you strip down the style sheet of your blog so that it has no elegance and just uses the default fonts.

and it looks like shit.

i’m not sure why i went along with this.

i read about it on some nerd website.

i’m changing it back.

i hate nerds.

god damn, do i hate nerds.

nerds and blind folks, you are on my list!

hate.

and god have mercy on the blind nerds because they are gonna feel my wrath.

whenever i finally get around to doing something about.

i’ll do something when i feel like it!

maybe after i eat.

but then, TMZ comes on, followed by the simpsons.

so maybe tomorrow.

unless it rains.

i think i’ll have pizza tonight…

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i’m giving back to the community!

hi folks!

so i started my community service at the library for the blind.

basically, i sit and rewind books on tape.

i’ve only got 35 more hours to go and then i’ve fulfilled my obligation to the Travis County Judicial System.

and successfully avoided the Texas State Penile System.

i’m aware of the typo.

but yesterday i realized something, as i was rewinding the March 2008’s issue of Texas Monthly for the 50th time.

i realized that i really don’t like blind people.

now, i’m not talking about the kids at the school for the blind who are blind because they were born with severe neurological development problems and their lack of vision is just a side-effect of their situation.

those kids can’t help it.

i’m talking about straight-up blind people.

straight-up blind people who apparently really love the cassette-tape version of the March 2008 issue of Texas Monthly, as well as a whole lot of other boring-ass books on tape.

i mean, come on!

if you live in austin, you know damn well what i’m talking about!

you see them all the time, they’re always crossing the street!

with their tappy, extend-a-stick.

where are they going?

piano lessons?

oh sure, there was that Blindsploitation superhero movie with ben affleck that glorified being blind.

i think it was titled ‘The Blind Acrobat Guy with Well-Developed Calf Muscles in Red Tights Who Wore Sunglasses.’

or maybe it was called ‘Ray.’

i can’t remember.

anyhoo, you know the movie.

and i love that movie, just like i loved ‘Bad Boys’ with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence.

and anyone who knows me, knows how much i love martin lawrence (and will smith).

one of my favorite quotes from martin lawrence’s groundbreaking stand-up comedy movie ‘you so crazy’ was:

some of you women don’t be washin’ your ass….

well, some of you blind people don’t be rewindin’ your cassette tapes.

so, if you’re reading this, blind people, please rewind your cassette tapes before mailing them back to the library where i have decided to help the community.

really, it’s the clearly-marked button with the arrow that points to the left!

and, GOOD LORD, you people read some boring ass books!!!!

why?

is it the hours of mind-numbing piano lessons you’re constantly crossing the street to get to?

if so, then i will excuse it.

but the not-rewinding needs to stop.

SRSLY

luv,
t

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Anna LaBea

is the most beautiful name ever.

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our cd release party kicked ass!

it was packed!!

hell yeah!!!

here are some photos, you won’t see me until the last one.

you’ll also see eryn and john!

it was also really late when we finally played and despite the mistakes we had a surprising amount of energy.

and all the other bands were absolutely phenomenal!

they all rocked ass.

and, although it wasn’t a plucker’s show, it comes in a very close 2nd place!!!

;) winkey face.

luv,
t

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pluckers, you were everything i hoped for … and more!

WOW!

as i stood on an shaky, wooden stage last nite under a tent in a parking lot in far north Austin, and looked out onto IH-35 while we were playing Del Shannon’s ‘Runaway’, i truly felt (for the very first time in my life) like i had finally arrived.

while the sun set in the very progressive township of Round Rock, the scent of fried macaroni and cheese sticks (’FMACS’) blended with the aroma of the XXX Hot Wing Sauce.

it was so beautiful, i thought i heard a whale crying.

the pleasant conversations of the blue-collars and Dell-collars discussing conservative politics over green beer made me feel like i was back in Mayberry RFD!

GO SPURS!

and when we finished playing our show, we got off the stage and joined in with the locals in performing at least 3 brutal hate crimes against people of various ethnicities.

apparently, that is an old St. Patrick’s Day tradition in Round Rock.

in hindsight, i recall that several of the people in the group with us were of the same ethnicity as the victims of our fun, senseless, and extremely violent rampage.

i guess that is what you could call ‘Irony’.

thank you, plucker’s. thank you.

anyhoo, we’re playing a big show on friday at the mohawk.

the post below should have told you.

‘shorry folksh! parksh closhed! moosh out front should’ve told you!.’

hey! a movie quote! i should do that more often!

luv,
t

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