that shit got you drunk.

my greatest memory of Bud Dry is listening to Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock’s “It Takes Two To Make A Thing Go Right”

that song was my generation’s equivalent of Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” or the Black Eyed Pea’s “Let’s Get It Started”.

my least favorite memory of Bud Dry was having my ribs kicked in by a group of neo-nazis after trying to purchase of a large amount of methamphetamines in Arizona.

i think “Barracuda” by Heart was playing on the radio of one of their pickup trucks.

one trick to avoid when you’re in prison is the ‘push-up contest.’

sometimes, an older, more-seasoned prisoner will challenge a newer, less-experienced prisoner to a push-up contest.

the winner would be able to demonstrate who is the strongest of the two and enjoy bragging rights.

as a courtesy, the new prisoner gets to go first.

after pumping out all the push-ups he can muster in his best effort to win, his muscles begin to weaken.

next, the new prisoner’s muscles completely fail, and he collapses to the ground.

at this point, he is unable to fight off the unwanted sodomy he is about to receive.

and finally, a very valuable lesson is learned.

i don’t know why i’m so fixated on prisons lately!

speaking of prison (again!), i am considering getting an Andy Capp tattoo.

not only would that prove to the general population that i enjoy regularly getting the shit beat out of me by my wife, but it would also show everyone that i enjoy the manly sport of American Soccer.

the colorful tom’s snack food icon and british comic strip star placed strategically on my forearm or thigh would prove that i’m not one to be challenged.

i hear that thigh tattoos are very painful.

on my other thigh, i would like to get an american flag with the words ‘Born in the U.S.A.’

that would look really cool.

click here if you can’t see the video above….

okey dokey.

well….

let’s see….

i forgot to mention that i received yet another phil collins vinyl record anonymously in the mail not too long ago.

this time, rather than no return address, it was from someone in vancouver.

and i’m sad because i thought canadians hated phil collins as much as me, but i guess i shouldn’t stereotype.

there also a few news items that are music-related!!

number 1
i (toof) did a remix of a track for a compilation album that my scottish brother, marc hug (AKA taperecorder, AKA 1/2 of mossyrock), put together.
it includes other remixes from some great folks like tim ‘love’ lee and [blank] among others.
i’m pretty proud of my track, it features amy winehouse and pete doherty.
i’m cereal, it’s them singing!
and you might like it too, especially if you like housey-electrodance-computery-music!

it can be found here, for free! <<click here>>

b) and the masonics and i have been rehearsing for this indie-rock-meets-modern-dance-troupe theater gig.
i can’t even describe how strangely cool this is, and will be.
it is, essentially, 5 younger ladies dancing modernly to our music, while we play our songs live.

and, yes, there is a slight suspension of disbelief while this is going on but it’s really neat to know that these ladies have spent hours and hours dancing and/or listening to our music.
and there is certain charm and endearment watching them dance, so i hope you will go if you get a chance here in austin.

their website (with showtimes) is here: <<yellowtape.org>>

speaking of ’suspension of disbelief’, i’m tired of ‘pretending’ that blogging can either get you fired or prevent you from getting jobs.

let’s say, hypothetically, i don’t like the direction that the modern adult film business is going.

for example, what if i were to candidly say in a blog that there is just entirely too much sodomy in these adult movies?

i mean, come on, it’s just ‘anal this’ and ‘anal that’ and ‘ass-to-mouth this’ and ‘ass-to-mouth that’ all the freaking time!

and then i were to type something along the lines of how boring that is!

like:

really? sodomy again?

BORING!

then how could a current or prospective employer not look at this and say, ‘hey, this guy is perfect for us.’?

because, that would not only show that i’m morally above everyone else, it would also show that i am a truly valuable member to an organization.

unless, of course, i ever wanted to work at a pornography company like Vivid Entertainment.

and they never seem to reply to my emails, i don’t really understand why.

so for now, i’m just gonna not talk about dirty stuff and keep it clean on my blog.

maybe if we elect a liberal president, then the country can continue its moral decay and i can complain about the constant disappointing new releases of hardcore pornography.

but until then, consider me just another avid reader of the MSN homepage’s career advice section.

luv,
t

you know what you did, Don.

don’t act like you’re surprised.

it’s on.

like Scudder and Justin a la Carnivale, it’s on.

except neither one of those guys were douchebags like you.

oh wait.

i meant to title this post:

“i just foolishly bought a new laptop!”

sorry, don!

keep up the good work!

carry on!

you’ll get what’s coming to you….

eventually.

anyhoo, i just bought a new laptop and i don’t care.

it was only like US$650 after i get my rebate.

i’m amazing.

and dumb.

hey, my dad just bought a scooter!

that guy’s like 75 years old!

so i guess the economy’s not so bad after all, huh?

not if you’re rich like me.

and my dad.

*sigh*

he always wanted to give me a life that was better than his…

so, to help him in that endeavor, i have made it my responsibility to make his life miserable.

wait. i’m totally stealing that from someone.

that’s not a trey d’amico [sic] original!

but this is:

first came Ocean Pacific
then came Stussy
Houston sucks
an overweight goat’s pussy.

GOOD LORD!

that’s just obscene.

that’s not even really clever!

WOW!

it must be this new computer bringin out the filthy in me!

to answer your question: no, i don’t sleep very well at night.

if i have to apply for a job, then this WEB LOG is going on LOCKDOWN!

i know, i know…

i’m not as bright as i am handsome.

oh well.

sorry for the NC-17 weblog, folks.

i shoulda warned you.

i shoulda, but i didnta [sic].

luv,
t

sorry people

i don’t give a frog’s fat ass about how much the cost of awesome blossoms are effing up your finances.

and you know what, i DO have a magic wand and i could wave it around and set the price of awesome blossoms to it’s 1998 prices.

but you can suck it, consumers!

now, maybe you’ve heard of my great-grandfather, T.J. Applebee?

i’m sure you have.

well, as you may already know, he and his close friends, Williams P. Outback and Honus Chili, all were blue-blooded, entrepreneurial americans who decided that they would all start their own lower-mid-price-level, casual-dining, loosely-themed chain restaurants.

and, although they stopped supporting the nazi party once it became unpopular to destroy all the jewish people on earth, they still used that kind of american forward-thinking to get in on the ground floor of a fledgling enterprise and amass their great fortunes!

now, it doesn’t take a D- in economics to know that supply and demand apply to all commodities like–let’s say, gasoline and awesome blossoms. but i didn’t jerk off in a coffin at Dartmouth just so you people could drive to my and my close family friends’ restaurants and spend your middle class pittance on our greasy, heart-disease-inducing appetizers!

so you can SUCK IT, consumers!

oh sure, i could easily, and i mean EEEEEEEEASILY, tap my friend and heir to the Chili’s fortune, Travis Chili, on the shoulder and say, ‘hey dawg, why don’t you just lower your pricing on awesome blossoms and we can come up with a clever tax break incentive or rebate of some sort and then you can keep your record-setting profits and still pay dividends to your shareholders so they can still afford to drive to our chain restaurants and pay for our crappy appetizers with their mere pittance of a paycheck?’

or maybe i could just say, ‘hey bro-ham, let’s come up with a inventive way of not buying foreign onions from people who are ostensibly our named enemies and in the process of doing so, create a a new industry that brings americans together a la the space program circa 1964?’

but fuck that. i’m rich!

WOW! i’m some kind of political satirist now! do they still make bowties? because if they do, i’m gonna learn how to play the piano. maybe not as good as a blind person, but still….

and speaking of blind folks. i’m done with my community service as of last thursday. and if i don’t do something dumb like pee on a cop car or pee in a public place or pee on a cop or kick a cop’s ass and take his gun and shoot him in the leg or hop in a cop car while it’s still running and they’re doing a routine traffic stop and drive the cop car to kileen to buy some moist, brown crystal meth and then maybe smoke some pcp and then have the strength of 10 men and physically beat at least 3 cops down or drive onto the set of an low-rate, yet critically-acclaimed tv series that rhymes with ‘Riday Right Rights’ after allegedly drinking 9 or 10 ‘maker’s and sodas’ until september 4th. then i am GOLDEN!

luv,
Trey Applebee