toof.nounandverb.com

i’m giving back to the community!

Friday, April 4, 2008 – 9:27 am

hi folks!

so i started my community service at the library for the blind.

basically, i sit and rewind books on tape.

i’ve only got 35 more hours to go and then i’ve fulfilled my obligation to the Travis County Judicial System.

and successfully avoided the Texas State Penile System.

i’m aware of the typo.

but yesterday i realized something, as i was rewinding the March 2008’s issue of Texas Monthly for the 50th time.

i realized that i really don’t like blind people.

now, i’m not talking about the kids at the school for the blind who are blind because they were born with severe neurological development problems and their lack of vision is just a side-effect of their situation.

those kids can’t help it.

i’m talking about straight-up blind people.

straight-up blind people who apparently really love the cassette-tape version of the March 2008 issue of Texas Monthly, as well as a whole lot of other boring-ass books on tape.

i mean, come on!

if you live in austin, you know damn well what i’m talking about!

you see them all the time, they’re always crossing the street!

with their tappy, extend-a-stick.

where are they going?

piano lessons?

oh sure, there was that Blindsploitation superhero movie with ben affleck that glorified being blind.

i think it was titled ‘The Blind Acrobat Guy with Well-Developed Calf Muscles in Red Tights Who Wore Sunglasses.’

or maybe it was called ‘Ray.’

i can’t remember.

anyhoo, you know the movie.

and i love that movie, just like i loved ‘Bad Boys’ with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence.

and anyone who knows me, knows how much i love martin lawrence (and will smith).

one of my favorite quotes from martin lawrence’s groundbreaking stand-up comedy movie ‘you so crazy’ was:

some of you women don’t be washin’ your ass….

well, some of you blind people don’t be rewindin’ your cassette tapes.

so, if you’re reading this, blind people, please rewind your cassette tapes before mailing them back to the library where i have decided to help the community.

really, it’s the clearly-marked button with the arrow that points to the left!

and, GOOD LORD, you people read some boring ass books!!!!

why?

is it the hours of mind-numbing piano lessons you’re constantly crossing the street to get to?

if so, then i will excuse it.

but the not-rewinding needs to stop.

SRSLY

luv,
t