one trick to avoid when you’re in prison is the ‘push-up contest.’

sometimes, an older, more-seasoned prisoner will challenge a newer, less-experienced prisoner to a push-up contest.

the winner would be able to demonstrate who is the strongest of the two and enjoy bragging rights.

as a courtesy, the new prisoner gets to go first.

after pumping out all the push-ups he can muster in his best effort to win, his muscles begin to weaken.

next, the new prisoner’s muscles completely fail, and he collapses to the ground.

at this point, he is unable to fight off the unwanted sodomy he is about to receive.

and finally, a very valuable lesson is learned.

i don’t know why i’m so fixated on prisons lately!

speaking of prison (again!), i am considering getting an Andy Capp tattoo.

not only would that prove to the general population that i enjoy regularly getting the shit beat out of me by my wife, but it would also show everyone that i enjoy the manly sport of American Soccer.

the colorful tom’s snack food icon and british comic strip star placed strategically on my forearm or thigh would prove that i’m not one to be challenged.

i hear that thigh tattoos are very painful.

on my other thigh, i would like to get an american flag with the words ‘Born in the U.S.A.’

that would look really cool.